Tuesday, May 31, 2011

You have called me to stand at the edge of the world...

...but where does the world end?

I feel as if I am at a point in my life where this poem seems very relevant to me, and not in an high school english class sense of relevant either.

Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;
Then took the other, as just as fair
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy and wanted wear;
Though as for that, the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

And both that morning equally lay
In leaves no step had trodden black
Oh, I kept the first for another day!
Yet knowing how way leads on to way,
I doubted if I should ever come back.

I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
two roads diverged in a wood, and I --
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.

Robert Frost

The page where I found it also had this to say:

Robert Frost on his own poetry:
"One stanza of 'The Road Not Taken' was written while I was sitting on a sofa in the middle of England: Was found three or four years later, and I couldn't bear not to finish it. I wasn't thinking about myself there, but about a friend who had gone off to war, a person who, whichever road he went, would be sorry he didn't go the other. He was hard on himself that way."
Bread Loaf Writers' Conference, 23 Aug. 1953

I am at a road, I feel as if God is calling me to much more than this and its frightening to say the least. So many things have been changing around me lately and I think I have been in this shocked "I can't believe it" state.  And these are not bad things happening, just new and uncertain things, events that will force me into probably uncomfortable and scary situations which I don't know if I can handle.  Well, I do know I can't handle it on my own that is for sure.  That is why I really need God's hand to guide me to lift me up and support me in this time.  Its about to be a whole new world and not matter my anxiousness about it, I am ready.

Lately I have found myself dreaming of the day that I might be out in the world using my camera as a tool for God's kingdom.  But I have also been feeling the urge of the Holy Spirit that there is more to it than that.  I would like nothing more than to just go, RIGHT NOW.  But I also have been realizing that I need training.  I need a good solid foundation to work from and while I love the sermons and Bible studies every so often at church I feel as if it is not enough and I alone do not have the ability to attempt any in depth rigorous study of the Bible without proper guidance, and tutelage.  And so I am praying and asking God for direction in this area, although I have not and will not make any decisions until I am given a clear answer from God on what my next step should be. I just know that I cannot go and do Gods will unequipped in an age where so many Christians do not understand or even know what they believe let alone are able to actually explain or discuss it without misguiding others.  I do not want to stand infront of God and know that in my ignorance of His Word I misrepresented Him to another person.

I just think about the things that I pour my time into: reading novels, watching movies/tv, sitting at home doing absolutely nothing....where does any of that get me in the kingdom of God? Nowhere.  I want/need to make some changes in my life, cutting out somethings(reading novels etc...) and adding others in their place(more prayer time, reading the Word etc...). How can I know what pleases God if I do not know His Word? And how can I stand up to the enemys tactics if I do not know how to counter him with scripture just as Jesus did in the desert?  And how will I survive when I am the only follower of Jesus where I am and I cannot simply be content with sitting in God's presence and drinking in His Word when I am in need of company or nurishment?

So many questions, but only one answer.  COMPLETE SURRENDER. To forsake everything else and live a life totally set apart for God.  This is the path that I choose and I am glad.


Prayer Requests:
1. I have a friend that will attend Ellerslie a school founded by Eric & Leslie Ludy in Colorado for the summer.  She will be in an intense program and will need plenty of strength to endure and be filled during this time.
2. So many disasters have happened recently with tornados and many other things, please keep these effected areas in your prayers.
3. Please pray that God would give clear direction on the next step I should take in my journey.