And then I think about my calling, I think about what God has asked me to do and I am fearful. Thoughts creep into my mind..."What will others say?" "What will your parents think?" "What if they don't agree?" What if? What if? WHAT IF? But then I think: SO WHAT? I want to attend to the bridegroom not the world.
FYI: I am currently reading a book called Let the Nations be Glad!: The Supremacy of God in Missions by John Piper.(linked to a webpage with A LOT of his sermons with notes and MP3's and get this there are even notes that date back to GASP! 1970!) I am barely on page 60 and I can feel that my passion for this calling has increased a hundredfold. I am just excited by what God is doing in my life, as I have been fasting he has increased my awareness of His presence and my sensitivity to his heart. This passage really touched me this week:
13 Then Paul answered, “Why are you weeping and breaking my heart? I am ready not only to be bound, but also to die in Jerusalem for the name of the Lord Jesus.” 14 When he would not be dissuaded, we gave up and said, “The Lord’s will be done.”
It just made the calling I have more solid for me and also revealed that I need to be prepared for whatever God has in store for me no matter what and should be glad in doing it. After all the Bible also warns that we will be persecuted and insulted, but we should know that nothing can separate us from the love of Christ.
i am a target, i am not afraid. [Matthew 10:28, Romans 8:35-39], 16" x 20", 2009. (copyright A. Quinn Photography, do not use without permission)
I recently was searching "missionary photography" and "Cambodia" online, I was curious to see if there were others like me that God had lit a fire inside of and I just happened to find this article about Gordon Griffith. A young man about my age who is doing exactly what I want to do, but he has taken it to a level that I have never dreamed. My heart is encouraged through his images and words in the article. I searched to see if I could find any other information and just happened upon his blog. Even with only a few entries my heart further burns to do exactly what he is doing. So many factors are coming into play now and I ask God so many questions in this moment: How? When? Am I ready? Do I know enough? Am I strong enough? That is why until the day God releases me from my current place in life I find that I am craving his word and his still small voice even more than food or entertainment. He is cleaning me out and I welcome it because it means I am that much closer to doing his will and as my Pastor quoted Jesus last night at prayer meeting I take on these words:
34 “My food,” said Jesus, “is to do the will of him who sent me and to finish his work. 35 Don’t you have a saying, ‘It’s still four months until harvest’? I tell you, open your eyes and look at the fields! They are ripe for harvest.
I hope this has encouraged you in some way or at least made you think about the passion you have for your own calling. Also please pray for the work that Gordon Griffith is doing and his fellow missionaries as well.